To Have Nothing And Everything

Here I am, a little over 4 months since my transition. The last time I was in an “anything” season. You know the season where I told God, I’ll do anything He wants me to do. And that season was great until God told me to be still and my funds were running LOW. I was like, “Lord, I know you see my bank account. And I KNOW you see come March I will have nothing. You want me to do what? BE STILL?! What is that? I’m not quite sure I heard right, so I’m just going to sit here in my quiet time and wait for you to tell me something different.” Only, God did not tell me different. He told me be still. Which for the record, I STRUGGLED with! I was so used to being on the go that, being still felt counterproductive.

You see, my “anything” season became very conditional and short lived because when I came to the end of my reasonings, my logic, and my safety net of the little amount of money I had left, it went OUT THE WINDOW. I  started aggressively looking for jobs out of fear and I was applying to everything and anything, only to have every door shut in my face. Sidebar: you know that meme “mess around with Indeed and next thing you know you’re interviewing to be a judge?” Yea that was me! There was no job beneath me and I was shooting my shot in fields I knew nothing about! Surely something will come through right?! Nope! All I got were emails that they chose a different candidate! This is when things got a little (a lot) rough for me emotionally. I started to question my identity and who I was because the reality was I found identity in my previous job. I found identity in my biweekly paycheck. And to face the reality that I had nothing hit me like a ton of bricks.

You know I’m transparent, so I’ll tell you, I took it as far as “who’s going to want to marry me with no job and no money?” (A bit drastic but that’s what I thought!) And for weeks I woke up and had to fight the lies of the devil. The lies came like a flood! Lies that I am nothing because I have nothing. Or that I’m a failure. I fought lies that God had forsaken me.  Or that I had nothing going for me and nothing was working in my favor. And I spent those weeks at the feet of God crying and begging to get me out of this season, because y’all I was OVER it!

BUT you know, one day as I was crying before God, He started to remind me that my worth and identity was not tied to money or a job. My worth and identity is tied to what was done on the cross. Jesus set the standard of my worth when He died and rose 3 days later! And the little pennies I was getting, was a pretty low amount to tie to my worth. Like even a billion dollars wouldn’t put a dent to the extent of what I’m worth. So although I had nothing monetarily, because I have God, I had everything! With God, I have peace, joy, love, and everything else I need! I know it’s cliche but seriously think about it! Those are things money cannot buy! Your money can’t buy the God who already owns it all!! So having nothing is the best place to be as long as you have the God, who has everything!

I want to encourage you today, that what looks like nothing is really preparation to receive EVERYTHING God has for you. God told me, “it’s when your hands are empty I can fill them”. How can He place in your hands what He has for you, if your hands are filled with something else? God had to purge me of everything I clung too apart from Him! And if we stopped getting so consumed with what He hasn’t done or worried about if He’s going to come through for us, we’d be able to see His hand of favor in it all! Do I have my moments? ABSOLUTELY! BUT the posture of my heart has changed! Because the reality is, I’m writing this not really knowing how my all bills are going to get paid next month and for once since I embarked in this season, I am at genuine peace. I am settled in who God is and what His word says concerning my situation. He has literally placed stones for me to remember His faithfulness. IF HE HASN’T FAILED ME YET, WHY WOULD HE START NOW?

I wanted to share some moments of God’s faithfulness:

1. One Sunday, I was running on E and I was telling God I needed to fill my tank I even casually brought up the gas station I normally used. After church, someone came to me and said someone wanted to anonymously bless me with a gas card! And guess to where?! The gas station I normally use! I still don’t know who you are, but if you are reading this, THANK YOU!
2. Another time I was telling God I was hungry and He told me to grab dinner after church. I said nah we got food at the house but after church someone else came to me gave me a gift card and told me to grab dinner.
3. Or a time some of the people in my community gathered and blessed me to remind me that God still sees me and cares!
4. Or people who are constantly blessing me and asking me if I need anything or if I’m good!

Man I could go on! But those are just a few things! I’ve made it a mission to find God’s goodness in every day! Big or small and THANK HIM!

I pray this encourages someone! God is good y’all! He is so faithful! And I’m grateful to take y’all on this journey with me. I’m excited to see God show up and show OUT because this journey is bigger than me. He gets the glory!

So Line, what have you been doing?  Glad you asked! I have been building myself up spiritually! Spending time with God. Continuing to seek Him for next steps! I’ve taken on a couple of projects and working with a couple small businesses! I’m designing a prayer journal!! Be on the lookout for that! And being planted in this “anything” season.

If you have not done so, check out the store!! Got some dope stuff!!! (I may be a little biased lolol but they are dope!)

I also wanted to share some scripture I’ve been CLINGING on to during this season:

1. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans‬ ‭8:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬
2. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NIV‬
3. “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans‬ ‭8:37‬ ‭NIV‬‬
4. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” ‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬
5. “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Jeremiah‬ ‭31:25‬ ‭NIV‬‬
6. “But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
7. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬
8. “It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ NLT
9. “Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. 14 Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalms‬ ‭27‬:‭13-14‬ NLT
10. “Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 13 Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.” 1 Peter‬ ‭4‬:‭12-13‬ NLT
11. “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:30-34‬ ‭MSG‬‬