The Test

I passed the test but did I learn the lesson?

You ever cram for a test the night before. You spend the whole night up reviewing and studying everything on the test but then as soon as you are finished you couldn’t remember anything you studied. That was definitely 90% of my college life. And the reality is I may have passed and did well but if you ask me today, 7 years later what I learned or to teach you, I probably couldn’t.

I believe that we often to do that in our daily walk with Christ. We go through the same tests over and over missing the lesson we are supposed to learn. In frustration of going through the same lesson we try to do things differently than before thinking that is the lesson but it isn’t. You see sometime God isn’t concerned about you just passing the test but rather learning the lesson from the test. I understand though, the test is uncomfortable, it is annoying and often time you just want to pass it to be over and done with. But what happens when the final comes? You’re having to re-learn the lessons just to pass the next test. Each test we go through sets the foundation for the next season.

I find myself in this current season where the same test keeps coming up. Rather, tests lol. I find myself constantly struggling at work. My supervisor and I aren’t seeing eye to eye and honestly, I start to feel pride rise up in me. Pride about me knowing what I’m doing, you can’t tell me how to improve, I don’t like being micromanaged. I constantly feel like I need to defend myself. And as I’m writing this, I realized it’s wrapped in fear from my demotion. WHAT?! DEMOTION YOU SAY? (Read my blog “The Promotion” if you have not yet). I realize that my attitude, my defiance, my I don’t care attitude concerning management at work was really wrapped in fear. You know, that thought process where “if I act like I don’t care than it won’t hurt as much”. It’s a defense mechanism. One that I didn’t realize I had up until this moment. God wants us to care, but our caring can’t be wrapped in fear. I should care about my job and how perform because income is necessary to pay these bills. But more than anything I should care because it’s where God has placed me to be a light. (Give me a minute while I stew on this revelation and repent)

Ok I’m back, work has been hard and trying for me this year. There has been a lot of changes and expectations set and in reality DO NOT MAKE SENSE but my job is not to object everything. I’m called to be a light, and to pray for the people at my job. Even when they’re wrong, I have to remember that God didn’t call me to be their judge and corrector. Even when I have every right to be upset or what I’m feeling is valid, I have to be able to take a step back and respond how God wants me to respond which is in love and with GRACE. MORE THAN ANYTHING, GOD IS MY DEFENDER AND I DON’T HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF IN EVERYTHING. My emotions can’t rule me and how I respond in this season. I always go back to the story of Moses. He was so close to the promise land and one decision made out of emotion cost him the promise. My prayer is that we all don’t forfeit our promise because we responded in flesh. My prayer is that we are not just trying to pass the test but honestly learning the lesson!

So here is my challenge to you:

Think about the season you’re in. Do you find yourself repeating the same test? If so, take a moment and ask God what lesson are you not learning?