The “S” Word

**Update 06/01/2021: Sooo I just want to say, God loves you! He loves you soooo much that He had me write an ebook for a continuation of this blog. The ebook isn't the answer to everything but it's a great start and has great questions to get you thinking and HEALING!  

Grab your copy of "The S Word"!

So it’s March 4th, 2020 and I’ve felt very heavily to start writing this blog and this journey! When I’m going to release it, I have no idea but I trust God has a date in mind (I guess today is the day lolol). So when He tells me to release it, I will! This is actually a topic I tried to avoid talking about because well I didn’t think it had anything to do with the message of The Masterspiece! But if I’m honest, it may not be the main focus but it’s definitely part of the process and journey!

It’s the “S” word! Singlehood! As much as I am enjoying this season, it gets HARD OUT HEA IN THESE STREETS! But I want to encourage you to know you are not alone in this! Here are some lessons I’ve learned so far:

1. NO ONES STORY IS THE SAME! And the comparison will have you trapped in discontentment! Ohhh man I spent years trying to manipulate and manufacture my story to look like those I found inspiring 🤦🏾‍♀️Only for God to look like me like what the heck are you doing?!?! You can’t limit God in how He’s going to bless you. He gets the glory in this! Use those stories to fill up your hope in God’s faithfulness but don’t box in how He blesses you! That’s really control! And I mean who’s tryna be like oh yea God bless me like He did so and so! Where’s the joy and creativity in that?! God is way too detailed to just have your story sounding like everyone else’s.
2. I did the whole “Lord if you never bless me with a husband, I’ll delight in you” prayer. There were definitely moments I said that prayer and did not mean it because I thought that’s what I had to say to get my husband! I mean it worked for everyone else! Surely it will work for me... NOT! But there were definitely times I was sincere and here we are March 4th, 2020 at 11:24pm and now May 10th, 2021... still single (in the natural! I do believe my husband is coming!) 
3. I served and I’m still serving, FAITHFULLY! Because that’s the number one advice you receive! “You know Ruth was busy in the field and that’s where Boaz met her!” And I’m not knocking it! You should serve and serve faithfully! But I had to learn to purify my motives for serving because serving doesn’t guarantee you’ll meet your husband! You serve because you’re about kingdom business and if you happen to meet your husband GREAT! If not, it’s still GREAT because we’re really here for souls.
4. There is no check box of “things” you need to complete in order for you to transition from singlehood to marriage. I “did” everything I thought I was supposed to do only it started to become a works mentality! I started to feel like I was praying the wrong prayer, or doing the wrong thing and that was reason to why I was still single! Listen, when it’s time you’ll know! The only things required are faith, trust, and obedience. Faith to know God is faithful. Trust in the fact that God knows what He’s doing. Obedience in what God tells you to do.
5. Life isn’t solely about marriage. It’s not a destination! Your worth isn’t based on marriage. Your worth was established when Jesus died on the cross and nothing and no one will ever light a match to that. 
6. You cannot. I repeat cannot convince anyone to choose you. Again, that’s manipulation. You can’t dress nice enough. You can’t make enough money. You can’t achieve enough “whatever”, in hopes someone will choose you. I was led to believe if I dressed nice enough, cooked well enough, was “holy” enough, I’d get a husband. 🥴 (again motives!) I had to learn to dress for myself because I like what I see in the mirror. I had to learn to cook well cuz ya girl loves to eat and try new things! I had to learn being holy is a command, not a means to get what I want! You are enough! And you will be enough for the right person. If they don’t choose you, they weren’t for you. And that’s ok! You can’t be for everyone! Might I add, if you had to convince them to choose you, you’re gonna be convincing them for the rest of your life to choose you. It’s not love if there’s not a choice.
7. Purity is more to do with the posture of your heart than it has to do with physical activity. Cuz you can be married and not be pure.
8. Everyone will have something to say about how they feel you should go about this process. You can’t give just anyone access to your life and ears especially when it comes to this journey. Be settled and submitted to what God said and take heed to the spiritual counsel in your life. 

I’m not writing this to you married! I’m writing this to you currently single. So there’s no "well you’re married now so it’s easy to say these things". It’s funny, because I always wanted to write a blog like this when I got married, forgetting as a single woman I needed a single woman to tell me the things I’m telling you. 🤦🏾‍♀️ 

Things I’m doing to make my singlehood purposeful:

1. Dedicating my time to the work of the kingdom.
2. Traveling 
3. Creating new experiences
4. Rejoicing with others
5. Starting new hobbies
6. HEALING- Doing the work to be the best version of myself!
   
7. AFFIRMATION! I speak the word of God over myself and who He tells me I am! I got it all over my bathroom mirror.
8. Doing things alone!
9. Treating myself!
10. Living life to the full. Laughing a lot. Loving myself  and others.

Your life doesn’t start when you get married! It starts now! It’s time you will not get back. Listen to me carefully, you’re waiting regardless so might as well have fun while you wait.

Advice for the dating/engaged/married couples who have single friends:

1. Pray!!!!!!!! Pray for our strength in this season and journey. Pray so that we have wisdom. Pray for clarity. Pray we are led by God especially when it comes to who we will marry. Pray for contentment. Pray that we continue to trust God and that our faith isn’t wavered. Pray we remain pure not just physically but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Pray for our future spouse and kids. Pray against generational curses. Pray that we are maximizing our season. Pray about our insecurities. Pray about our strengths. Just pray! Listen, I just gave you maddd ideas!
2. Stop being pushy. You cannotttt possibly want us to be more married than we want to be married. Also, have you considered that some singles don’t want to be married? (I mean, I do 😜 but some people may not). The whole "are you still single?" question ain't it either. It's like you got married then FORGOT WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE SINGLE! Also, your way is not the best or only way. So, just because it worked out for you one way doesn't mean that's how God designed it to work for us! Please refer to #1 when it comes how God wants this journey to look like and He may not reveal it to you so in that.. JUST PRAY!
3. Let’s try “what are your thoughts on...” rather than “have you tried...” this eludes to the idea that whatever we’re doing is wrong and if we do what you’re suggesting it may guarantee marriage. When in fact if it doesn’t pan out, you have created disappointment. And if we say no, please respect our no!
4. If you feel strongly about something and we don’t agree... please refer back to #1 and be led by God on how to proceed.
5. Please don’t assume that just because we’re single our time isn’t as valuable as someone who’s married and/or has children. We’re not just sitting at home all the time. Our time isn’t yours to decide how it’s used.
6. Stop being selfish. You’ve gotten so used to how available your single friend has been that you’ll say things like “dang who’s gonna watch my kids when you’re married” “who am I gonna go too when you’re married” ... umm Jesus! Lol no but seriously when we get married we’ll still be there, it’ll just look different.
7. Point us back to God! You cannot be God in our lives. While your advice is appreciated, we are not obligated to oblige. By all means please encourage us! But share as you are led and at the end of it all point us back to God.
8. Use timely honesty. There’s a time and a place to share your thoughts. If it’s not right then and there, please refer back to #1. But you’re not helping us by keeping things from us. If someone/something doesn’t sit well with you pray AND say something. You are our blindsides. If there’s an area if our lives you notice we need to work on.... PRAY AND  SAY SOMETHINGGGGGGGG! 
9. While some of us may have unrealistic expectations, there are some of us who don’t. We are simply believing for things you didn’t have the faith to believe for or didn’t think to ask for 👀🤷🏾‍♀️ I said what I said. So that whole "you’re still single because you’re picky" line just ain’t it for me. I know who and whose I am. I cannot and will not be with just anyone! My lineage and legacy is on the line. I’m breaking generational curses, I ain’t tryna be with someone who puts me back in the cycle I’ve gotten out of!!! Which leads me to my next point:
10. If you can’t have audacious faith and stand with us, stand back and make room for someone who will. Watch what you say and the purity of your heart! We don’t want lip service and you don’t even believe what you’re saying!

Bonus tip: OUR FEELINGS ARE VALID! Telling us “God will do it” doesn’t always help. YES I KNOW GOD WILL DO IT! The issue isn’t always whether or not God is going to do it. Sometimes it’s “this is hard!” Or “When Lord?” Or I wish I didn’t have to do “that” alone. And a multitude of other things! Sometimes we just want you to LISTEN! You don’t always have to say something. Because when your immediate response is God will do it, you’ve pretty much told us our feelings don’t matter, you shut us down when it comes to being vulnerable and shut down the ability to process how we’re feeling. I’m not saying let us stay in a funk but what I am saying is give us room to process and express ourselves. Listen to understand, not to respond. 

I can’t speak for allll singles but I feel like some will relate to this! I truly believe the way I steward my singlehood will set a standard for my children to come and the nieces/nephews/godchildren in my life. I look forward to laying the right foundation for my children when it comes to being single. And this blog might be record keeping for me to remember who knows?!

Just remember there is beauty to being single just like there is beauty to being married! But until you do get married, my prayer is that your perspective is shifted on how you live your life now! And for my couples reading, my prayer is that your perspective is shifted on how to support and cover us in this journey!

Blessings and Love,

Line