Semicolon

So, I have this desire to get a tattoo! I've wanted one since I was 16 but never had the guts to actually go get one, mainly because I have very low pain tolerance! However, in my constant scrolling on Pinterest I came across: The Semicolon Tattoo. The Tattoo signifies "when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to." This actually hit home for me and made me realize what a gift it is to still be living.

Growing up I struggled, and still do at times, with insecurities. I never thought I was good enough and said some crazy things to myself. I used to call myself dumb, fat, ugly, and useless. So much so, I've thought and even attempted to kill myself. I used to think everyone's life would be better without me in it. The devil had a field day in my mind. Growing up, I was always compared to others and was never taught or learned to be comfortable in my own skin. So when I didn't measure up, I felt like a complete failure. And because mental health was a taboo subject when I was growing up, I never really sought out help. I spent years bending and changing who I was just to please people. Rather than living to please God. Let me tell you, people pleasing is such a heavy burden!

So you see the semicolon is so powerful in my life because I definitely thought of ending my sentence and tried to; but the redeeming love of God kept me!

My friends love to tease me that I go a little crazy when birthdays come around. But your grasp on life and appreciation for life changes when the attempts you made to end it, failed. Birthdays are a time to pause and be reminded of how precious life is and that God has a purpose for each of us and our lives.

This journey has not been easy one for me. And to this day I face those thoughts that I have before! The difference is that I’ve learned not to let those thoughts sit in my mind. Because the moment they sit in my mind I start to think negatively. When those thoughts come to mind, I usually start playing worship music, I'll call a friend, pray and/or journal!  Whatever I have to do to keep the negative thoughts from sitting in my mind I will do. There's been times I've had praise dance parties at home. :-) The journey to deliverance can be a LONG one. And I had no one to talk to about it. My saving grace was anchoring myself in the word of God. He is there for you and in addition to him, I highly suggest that you also find someone to help you in this journey. Do not try to do it on your own. If you need to seek out professional help please do so! There is nothing wrong with that!

I want to remind you that your life has sooo much value! More than you could ever know. Otherwise why else would God send His son Jesus Christ to save your life? I truly believe one of the biggest distractions from your destiny is the belief that you are not worth anything so you live life delaying your God given purpose!

Please note: I am not a licensed mental health professional; if you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts please go to the hospital and seek out a licensed clinician to help! You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline tel:1-800-273-8255