My Grade On The Test

“We need to meet with you tomorrow please be at the office at 8:30am. See you then” Another message that has changed the trajectory of my life! I can’t even begin to tell you the way my heart sank when I read that message. If I told you the first thing I did was pray, I would be lying. I went into panic mode like “oh my goodness I am about to lose my job”. Then I texted a few people in my circle and told them, I had a feeling I was going to lose my job! And they did what they do best, PRAY! As they prayed, I felt my confidence rise up again, and I started to pray. I released my fears and laid them on God’s altar and told Him do what He knew would be best for me! I remember praying in my prayer that perfect love cast out fear and because God loves me IT WILL WORK OUT! And being able to release my fear gave room for peace to come in and let me tell you, it was one of the best sleeps I’ve had!

Next morning, I walk into a meeting facing what was one of my biggest fears. I sat down and although I was being told I was being let go, I felt peace! I wasn’t afraid, I didn’t worry. To be honest I felt like a weight had been lifted. I know you’re probably like “ARE YOU CRAZY?!” LOL but for those who have read my previous blog “The Test” things were tough at work. It felt as though the more I tried to honor God at my job, submit to the authority, and push past my flesh, the worst things got. And deep down I had a feeling God was telling me leave but I was gripped by the fear of “how are my bills going to get paid?” And I was so stuck on how I wanted (not God) to transition out of my job, I refused to believe any other way.

So it’s been two months since the transition, “what have you been doing Line?” EVERYTHING, NOTHING, ANYTHING! I’m telling you, these past two months have been quite the JOURNEY!

EVERYTHING

The first couple of weeks, I felt great!  I was having devotion, I was packing my bag and going to a local coffee shop to work on my business BUT then I started to realize I was trying to keep myself busy because I didn’t want to be seen as a bum. I was pressuring myself so that I can have a list of things I did to show people. I was avoiding the silence and the quiet which was what God wanted from me. But I was in striving mode, and felt as though if I wasn’t busy I wasn’t  being productive.

NOTHING

Then I went from doing everything to nothing. I would wake up and cry. I would ask God questions about why? “Why did you have to do it that way?” Then of course the enemy starts whispers lies to feed what I was already feeling. I started to feel useless and question my position and stance spiritually. I felt shame because once again, even though work was draining, I found identity in it. Plus I had my checks dropping in every two weeks! It was comfortable! And truth be told I felt like nothing. So I started to avoid real time with God!

ANYTHING

BUT THEN, one day I got up and after crying for what felt like hours, I got quiet. And I heard God say “I love you” and then I lost it all over again lol but this time it was tears of joy. I didn’t cry out of pity, hurt or shame but out of joy. You see, I spent all this time avoiding God and all He wanted to do was tell me He loved me. And that was what I needed because remember in the beginning when I told you that’s what gave me peace? Yea! He wanted to reassure me that because He loves me, it will all work out! Man it is sooo FUNNY how quickly we forget! Sheesh! So now my mind has shifted to “Lord, I’ll do anything you want me to do!” And it has restored my hope because as I’m taking care of Kingdom Business, God has DEFINITELY taken care of mine! I haven’t lacked for anything. My intimacy has deepened and as I lay all my concerns and burdens, He gives me peace (because God can’t pour into you what you need if you’re already full)!

SO if I am honest, I have been VERY PRESSED these past couple months!! LOL! It was really hard to look past what I was going through! I questioned God a lot! And at moments, I felt like God left me hanging!! And what use to be a posture of authority became a posture of pleading out of fear. I allowed my situation to rival against what I know to be true; that God has never forsaken me and He isn’t about to start now! Because I’m seated, I can BOLDLY and CONFIDENTLY come before His throne.

Your season may not feel good! No, not may! There will definitely be moments it will not feel good! That’s ok! You’re human, but feelings are bad navigators! Feelings will navigate you straight out of your promise from God! CLING TO GOD’S PROMISES! Let God’s promises navigate your thoughts, words, and actions, so that you can hope again, believe again, trust again and fight again!

So here’s to the journey of not just knowing but LIVING what I know, which is that I don’t have to be pressed! I’m anchored in God, so when the waves of life comes crashing, I may sway but I WILL NOT BE MOVED!

OK, Line we get it!! We’re not going to be pressed and we have to trust God! But what was your grade? I got an A, B, C, D, and F!

A-Abide, I learned to spend time with God in the quiet which is SOOOOO uncomfortable for me!

B-Believe, I had to remember what I read in God’s word and BELIEVE IT! I had to remember His word does not come back void. His word is the basket I can put all my eggs in!

C-Community, let me tell you my community is LITTTTTTT!!! No in all seriousness, the prayers, the speaking life into me, allowing me to unravel then using the word of God to bind me up again! Only God could’ve have placed them in my life for SUCH A TIME AS THIS! You NEED community if you are going to get through the ups and downs in life (y’all just can’t have mine)!

D- Determination, I had to make up in my mind that my mind was not ground for the devil to plant seeds in! I had to get my fight back! I had to be determine to take captive of EVERY THOUGHT that did not align with the word of God!

F- Faith, I had to remember who my hope was in! Not situations, peoples, places, or things! I had to remember that my God is FAITHFUL! And without faith what is the point in doing this walk, right? But more than anything my faith has been deepened in God even though I have no clue what is next! But what I do know He has yet to fail me and He is not about to start now!

Be encourage to know God has your back and even when it doesn’t seem like it or feels like it, HE IS WORKING! Because He doesn’t sleep nor slumbers! He is working the clock day in and day out! I pray this stirred something in you, and that it encouraged you! I’m so excited to continue to share what God does in my life in this journey!

6 comments

  • This was EVERYTHING ! So real ! We have to put our trust in our father unashamed and undoubtedly 😭😭😭

    Tasha

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